Salt and Pepper: the rule of 5 Mississippi's
by gods-of-war
Summary: back story to Salt and Pepper. If you wondered why Tess was counting in the last chapter, this is why.


She was more tired than drunk, Pepper thought as she lay on her bottom bunk. It had been a brutal week. Three exams and two term papers as well as covering her work study hours in the library. But however tired and stressed she felt, she figured her roommate might have it just a little bit worse.

Tess lay on her back on the floor of their dorm room, her legs propped up on her desk chair. Her lower back and knees were bothering her again. Tess had pretty much the same workload as Pepper but she had 2 hour soccer practices 4 days a week, not including games, as the cherry on her stress sundae. So it hadn't really surprised Pepper much when she had appeared dog tired, sweaty and carrying a 6 pack of Zima and a bag of Jolly Ranchers into their room after practice. Pepper didn't know where she got the booze, probably from one of the Juniors or Seniors on the team.

Tess had simply walked in, dropped her kit bag at the door, pulled off her shoes and socks and laid down on the floor with a groan. Only after she propped her legs up did she say,

"Fuck a duck. Want a drink Pep?" she pushed the Zima and Jolly Ranchers across the floor to her roommate.

"Sure," Pepper said, as she pulled a bottle of the clear malt liquor from its carrier and after opening the twist off top, selected a green apple candy and dropped it into the bottle. She watched the beverage fizz as the candy started to dissolve. Pepper looked at her friend, wearing a sweaty t-shirt and soccer shorts, as she lay unmoving on the floor. There were times, Pepper thought to herself with sympathy, that Tess walked like an 80 year old woman, and she had just turned 20.

"Want me to fix you one?" Pepper asked reaching for a second bottle.

"I would love you till the end of time if you did," Tess said wearily.

"What flavor do you want? Or do I even need to ask – cherry, right?"

"Oh you know me so well," Tess said with a laugh as she took the offered beverage. She shifted slightly as she did so, and her back and hips popped audibly.

"Oh sit Tess!" Pepper said in alarm, "are you ok?"

"Actually," Tess said brightly, "I am feeling slightly better, and this will help." Tess took a sip, which was not easy as she was still laying flat on her back. "Thanks. So I know how my week has gone, how was yours?"

"I would say hell – but that doesn't really cover it," Pepper said propping herself up on her pillow a bit more. "It's not even really mid-terms yet. I don't know how I am going to survive till Christmas."

"Mm," Tess said taking another swallow, "And just think we have two more years till we graduate. Oh hey, my parents wanted to know if you wanted to come home with me for Thanksgiving, they would love to have you."

Tess had been trying to find a way to casually ask this. Pepper didn't have any family. She had stayed on campus last Thanksgiving, because at that point Tess hadn't known. But she had found out soon after coming back to campus, and after surviving the wave of accompanying guilt, had made sure Pepper spent Christmas, as well as other school breaks with her and her family. Tess didn't want to make Pepper feel like the she was being pitied, and Pepper had become her best friend during their freshmen year – so it wasn't as if she would mind having Pepper over for the holidays. Plus her parents loved her, and it was possible that her brother has a thing for her. . .

Pepper smiled. She knew Tess was trying not to make her feel like a third wheel, or a stray. That last comment came from the deep dark part of her brain that she tried to ignore. The Morton's had been nothing but kind and welcoming. And she did miss being in a family. Plus Tess was her best friend.

"I'd like that," Pepper said warmly. "Will Gram be there?"

Tess gave a delighted laugh, "With meatloaf recipe in hand. But you can tell her that you aren't hungry. She keeps trying to feed you because she thinks you are too skinny."

They both giggled at this. The alcohol mixed with the exhaustion was making them both punchy. But their good natured giggle fest was cut short by a slammed door and raised voices. The sound had traveled through their bathroom. Pepper and Tess had one half of a suite, two double rooms connected by a bathroom. Their suitemates were fighting – again. By the way the words "whore", "slut" and "skank" were being hurled around, it was obvious they were fighting over a guy. Again.

Pepper and Tess looked at each other and sighed. Pepper rubbed her temple where the lingering stress headache from the last four days had started to throb evilly again.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Tess moaned. "It's not like whatever frat boy clone they are fighting over now hasn't fucked them both and will move on in, what, two weeks?"

"If that," Pepper agreed. "I mean really, they go to a party, get drunk and then are surprised that the guys that mack on them don't try to get a piece of both of them. Promise me that we will never end up like that."

"Promise!" Tess said emphatically. "And to prevent such a horrible thing I think we need to come up with some sort of guideline."

"Rules of some sort would go a long way in preventing us from ending up like those two, uh. . ." Pepper trailed off, unable to find an appropriate adjective to describe their neighbors. The decibel level of the fight next door went from 'nails on a chalk board', to 'squirrels in a blender'.

"I think 'Frat Mattress' was the term you were looking for," Tess said darkly as she pinched the bridge of her nose. Her own headache was returning with a chip on its shoulder and something to prove.

"Ok, Pep I like this idea of yours. So what do you have in mind?"

Pepper thought for a moment. "Well, first of all these rules are all working under the assumption that we are both single."

"Of course," Tess said.

"And they are in effect anytime we go out with our relationship status as such."

"Agreed. So the rule or rules are always assumed to be in effect, even if not called to be so."

"Yes," Pepper said with a nod. "So it is not like calling shot gun. That will save any misunderstandings. I like it."

Tess pondered for a moment. "Ok so if we are out somewhere. . ."

"A bar, party, sewing circle," Pepper broke in with a grin.

Tess gave a laugh, "Well hell lets go all crazy and say any gathering of two or more people, in which an unattached male shows interest in either party…"

And so the rules were laid out as thus:

In the event that both parties attend the same gathering of two (2) or more people in which an unattached male shows interest in one or both parties; the following guidelines are agreed upon:

1. Said Interested Unattached Male (here after known as I.U.M) shall have only until the end of the attended gathering to obtain the phone number of only one (1) of the involved parties.

a. Upon receiving and filling the request for contact information, the party that has bestowed said telephone information shall inform the other party of this fact as to ensure no double telephonic request is repeated and by ignorance of the preceding facts present an alternate number.

i. If in the event that the interested male requests a number from both parties, he shall be deemed "tool" and shall not be given further time or interest by either party.

2. Consensual physical contact between the I.U.M and a one party shall constitute an instant classification of "Off-limits" to the other party.

a. If in the event that consensual physical contact of the I.U.M. with the classification of "Off-limits" does occur with the party in which initial contact was not made, the physical contact shall not exceed the count of "Five Mississippi's". This constitutes a one time only pass for the party that started and concluded the count of "Five Mississippi".

i. If the contact that falls under the purview of the "Five Mississippi" count, the parties shall decide amongst themselves if the I.U.M shall be moved from the category of "Off-limits" to "Tool". Both shall then abide by the new classification.

3. If a relationship status is bestowed at any point to a I.U.M, he is instantly re-categorized as "Attached Male" (A.M), "Steady Date" (S.D) or "Boyfriend" (B.F), and is therefore given the rights and privileges thereof.

Pepper looked up from her note pad covered in her neat and precise handwriting. She gave Tess a slightly drunken grin, "This is complete shit, you know that right?"

"Oh totally," Tess agreed starting on her third Zima. "But I think we are on the right track. Don't you?"

"Yeah. A few hours doesn't mean more to me than two years of friendship. No matter how hot the guy might be." Pepper gave Tess a quick and slightly embarrassed look and then went back to staring at her note pad.

Tess returned her friend's smile. "You know Pep, you are fucking fabulous." Pepper gave an embarrassed scoff, but Tess continued, "Seriously. You know I wouldn't say if it wasn't true."

"Hm, well you are the best Tess. So there."

Two weeks after the conception of the "Rule of Five Mississippi's", as the document came to be known, the rules were put into practice at a birthday party. They were a success, the I.U.M in question a.k.a "Brad" was classified as 'Tool", and therefore became persona non-grata amongst the social circle kept by Miss Potts and Miss Morton. This episode was deemed a success, and therefore the "Rule of Five Mississippi's" became standard operating procedure.


End file.
